I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
