You're my little dorito
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
