i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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