Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
