pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
