erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
