Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
