hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
