I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
