I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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