Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
