does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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