nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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