oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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