I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
