im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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