Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
