when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
