You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
