he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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