so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
