I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize