I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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