we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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