Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
