What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
