3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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