This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
