ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
