Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
