Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
