one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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