Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
