so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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