I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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