I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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