Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
