brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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