whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
