Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
