There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
