Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
