Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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