I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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