My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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