Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This is my gift to your gina
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
