I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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