She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
