found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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