fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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