Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
