he was CRYING into my vagina
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
