Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
