There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
