if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
