Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
