i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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