im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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