she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
