I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
did i just pee glitter
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
