Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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