Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
