yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
