What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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