Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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