I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
