just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
